Why Me?

I battled so hard with this question for a long, long time. Honestly, I can't say that I have the answer, and that's okay.

Initially I had several negative thoughts running through my head:

1 - I was being punished for something bad I had done in the past.

2 - I was being taught a lesson about patience and perseverance.

3 - God wanted me to be broken.

All of these thoughts fueled my depression. I didn't want a lesson; I just wanted to feel better! I'm sure many of you have felt the same way. Those inspirational posters and their messages can only go so far. When you're having a pain flare, their message is muddled by the immense agony you are experiencing. You focus on what you've lost, and it sucks.

So when you battle with the question "why me," remember that it's okay to not know the answer. Having this disease doesn't make you less of a person than anyone else. Instead of thinking "why me," a question that hinders progress towards healing, start thinking, "How can I heal?"

Role Models

This first picture was sent to me by a friend. Taylor Swift is not the main reason for ME, but whoever made this swears that Taylor Swift and her music had a profound impact on her journey with this disease.

It is important to have role models, especially while you are growing up or experiencing trials. My family has always been a group of great role models to me in several areas. They stood by me every moment when I was trying to figure out why I was in pain so much. As far as other role models go, that's where my network came in. Meeting other people with RSD/CRPS was a godsend. I was able to vent my feelings to people who actually understood, ask questions and have them honestly answered, and find possible alternative treatments. The first person I talked to in length about CRPS was named Payton. Though she lives in another state (that I won't release to you for her own privacy), we were able to connect rather quickly. Payton runs and plays basketball even though she lives with daily CRPS pain. She is a trooper and really pushes through the pain in order to do what she enjoys doing most. She has always been a role model to me and whenever I start feeling down on myself or getting negative, I look at this photo:

Payton posted this on her wall a long time ago, but it still has a huge impact on me every day. It's a challenge, but more importantly, it's inspiration to get up and do what I want to do despite the pain I am experiencing. I may not be able to change my pain, but I AM able to change my attitude.

She reminds me that if she can do it, so can I!

Back in Ol' San Antone

I've been spending the weekend with my family at my sister's new house in San Antonio. It's beautiful! :) Emma is very happy here. Emma is my niece. She's turning 3 in August! :)

Anyway, my foot has been hurting some since I got up here. I had to ice it in the car on the way up to San Antonio with my mom. I know, I know. Ice does more harm than good... but I just couldn't help it. I feel claustrophobic when I have foot pain in a car because I can't go anywhere.

I've been playing with my niece and watching movies with her since we arrived yesterday afternoon. :) She was teaching me and my dad how to do ballet. It was hilarious. There are videos. I will probably post one later.

Anyway, I just wanted to check in and let y'all know what's been going on lately.

Happy healing! I hope you guys have been keeping up with the Facebook page!

If not, here it is: https://www.facebook.com/MyRsdcrpsBlog

Turn That Frown Upside Down

When I first got this disease, I dreamed about two things - my life before and my life after. I yearned so badly to go back to the life I had before being diagnosed with RSD. I imagined myself playing soccer, getting back into running, doing all the things I had wanted to do since I was little. The new me was unable to do those things, but I didn't want to accept that, and that was the problem - acceptance. I only saw this as a roadblock, not as a way of life that I would have to adapt to. Every move I made was to try to heal this thing, to get past it. I wasn't even worried about the moment I was in. I simply wanted to get to the moment where I would finally be free of pain.

So here's what the problem was: I was only looking ahead.

I was neglecting the present by thinking so much about the future. And though I can honestly say that living with RSD is torture, there were little things along the way that I learned, that I experienced, and they were good.

In these moments of helplessness, I learned several important things. The little things suddenly became big quite quickly. Firstly, I was unable to control things. I had to rely on God for strength and made prayer a priority. It felt hopeless at the time, but I had something to hold onto and that made me feel better. Letting go of the wheel was so difficult, but it was definitely helpful. All of the emotional stress made everything harder. God took that off of my shoulders. :)

Secondly, I learned who my true friends were and what love meant. My family was and is so supportive. My mom was next to my bed almost every minute, helping me eat, helping me get up to go to the bathroom, helping me to bathe myself. I remember her sitting next to my bed, saying, "I don't care if I have to spend a million dollars. I am going to make sure you are better." My friends would come visit, but the ones that stayed... those were the ones who I could really count on. Their actions shed so much light on how they felt about me as a person.

Thirdly, I gained strength through this process. I felt so weak, but I grew stronger every minute of every day. I had a choice - and I chose to fight. I am so proud to say that I didn't give up. I always think about how strong we are, individually and as a group of people with this disease. Though life has thrown us down and beaten us to hell, we get back up and THEN go out and help others who are battling the same thing we are. We are impressively strong! I've been called so many names... gimp, cripple, crutch girl, wheelie, broken, captain crutch (that one was kind of funny, I'll admit), the girl in the chair... and I had a choice to let it bother me or to let it strengthen me. Letting their ignorant words and insults roll off my back made me a stronger woman. Words cannot bring me down and I refuse to allow someone to make me feel bad about myself because they are too ignorant to think before they speak.

I also learned about living on "the other side." I never really knew how to treat people with disabilities. Some welcomed help, and others just wanted to be left alone. After living in a wheelchair and losing my independence, I was able to understand why. Having to rely on other people for small things is extremely aggravating. Not being able to reach the top cabinet in my dorm was so embarrassing. A young lady in her twenties doesn't want to be asking for help for things like that. I wanted to do it myself. As aforementioned, I had to let go of the wheel and allow myself to be helped by others.

My life has changed dramatically since I was diagnosed with RSD. Instead of focusing on what I've lost, however, I have decided to focus on the happy things present in my life. I keep several journals - one for my dreams, one for daily journaling about my life, and another as a daily input of things I've learned/watched/read/discovered/seen. On this last journal, I have a slide (I do them all on Power Point) called "Turn That Frown Upside Down." I list bad things that happened during the day, and then I add the word "BUT" at the end of the sentence. Then I type something positive that came out of the bad thing. I do this EVERY DAY. When I get frustrated, I find this helps in fueling my anger into something good. Try it yourself! Here's an example: "I got a foot flare last night BUT that kept me from driving super late at night and gave me time to rest." :) It's that easy, and it truly helps me!

In other news, I did get a foot flare last night. I had just watched Man of Steel with my friend Ross (if you haven't seen it yet, GO SEE IT!!! It's so good!!!) and then we decided to go eat at Buffalo Wild Wings. Some friends came in a little after we did so we sat there and talked for a bit. Unfortunately my foot started hurting, so I had to leave. Ross carried me to my car. Haha! Gotta love my friends. Driving home was not a horrible experience and I was able to keep my cool. I got home and rested for a bit. Today I'm doing alright. Still going to take it easy though and rest; I'll be moving around a lot this weekend when I go visit my niece! :)

Happy healing!

-Sammie

Do What You Want To Do!

Someone once told me, "Never let anyone make you feel like you aren't good enough." That girl's name was Alexandra Gonzales. What she said that day stuck with me over the years and still fuels me to this day. Though her initial intent was to give me advice about dating, the message carried over into other parts of my life.

1. Doctors
In the beginning, it was really hard. Doctors would either not listen or assume I was lying or exaggerating my pain. One doctor told me I would just have to live with it for the rest of my life. I didn't like that answer and I sure as hell was not going to accept it. He may have thought that I was overreacting and could learn to just put up with the pain, but that was not the case. He didn't understand. I wanted a cure. I needed to be healed.  That's why I kept pressing on - I wanted to be better so bad. No matter how many doctors told me I couldn't be "fixed," I kept on looking for a solution to my pain. That's something I hope you will do in your life. Don't give up. No matter what anyone says or tells you about the future, YOU have the choice to keep trying or to give up. No one really fails until they give up. Keep on looking! Keep on trying! We will find a cure one day, even if other people don't believe it.

2. Friends and family
Taking time for yourself is so important when living with this disease. This can put a strain on relationships. That's why education is so vital in keeping our relationships healthy. Make sure to communicate with your loved ones about this disease so that they understand what's going on. Cancelling at the last minute on a good friend may be rude, but if you need to do it, you need to do it. Don't ever feel bad for choosing to take care of YOUR HEALTH first. People may call you selfish or standoffish; ignore them. You know what is going to make you feel better and what is going to make your pain worse. If you need to take a break, then take a break! Your loved ones will need to learn how to be patient with you during this time. I plan ahead oftentimes, just in case. I have ice packs at my friends' places and pain meds with me in case I need them. My family and friends understand that I can't stand for long periods of time, and always have a chair for me. Speak up if you want to be heard!

3. Romantic relationships
This one is a biggie. Dating someone with a disease like RSD/CRPS can be extremely challenging. Patience is absolutely necessary. My last boyfriend was understanding about it at first, but then started losing his patience. We were going to go to a party one night and I just didn't feel comfortable leaving my dorm or driving. I was in too much pain. He got really upset and it made me feel so self-conscious. He kept pushing me to go, which was very rude. We ended up going, but it was an ordeal getting there... Your significant other should be okay with being flexible and possibly having to trade a fun night out for a relaxing night in, watching movies in bed together. Above all, your boyfriend/girlfriend should respect you. You are not less of a person than they are because you have RSD. Do not let them make jokes about your condition or push you around simply because they can. That's not okay and it's not fair. Make sure they understand that you are not a "broken toy" and you deserve just as much respect as they do.

4. The workplace
It's hard getting a job when you have pain. Stating disability on a job application sometimes feels like signing a form that says "don't hire me." Don't EVER apologize for your disease during a job interview. They either understand or they don't. This is, yet again, where education comes in. Be honest about your abilities and make sure they know what accommodations you need to get the job done! If they're good people, they will look past your RSD/CRPS. But also be realistic; if you have severe RSD in your legs, don't sign up to be a track coach. There are several organizations that can help people with disabilities get jobs, and I have listed some below:

http://www.dol.gov/dol/topic//disability/jobsearch.htm
http://askjan.org/job/
http://www.gettinghired.com/
http://jobs.aol.com/articles/2012/09/25/best-way-for-disabled-workers-to-find-a-new-job/


5. Yourself
How you treat yourself has a direct correlation to your personal health. Being sad and frustrated can lead to worse health. Treat yourself well! Work on your self-confidence! I read one time in Seventeen Magazine that you should look yourself in the mirror each morning, hair undone and makeup not yet on, and just say good things about yourself. Say that you are beautiful. After awhile, you will start believing it. I know this sounds silly, but it works! :) Go after what you want, and stop caring about what others think. Chase your happiness. Don't let anyone tell you that doing that is selfish or a waste of time, because it's not. I found so much happiness through doing this. Positivity is very important in building a healthy self-image. Also, take time to relax. Take a bubble bath. Drink some wine. Read a book. Pamper yourself! :)  YOU should be your number one priority. That will lessen anxiety and help you to feel better about yourself. Valuing yourself is a great step towards healing, both emotionally and physically.

Feel free to comment or ask questions below! :) Happy healing!

It's a Mumford Kind Of Day

Today started late but then zoomed forward pretty fast. I took my medication this morning and then got up, straightened my hair, got dressed, and put on my makeup pretty fast! I was so happy that I could be so productive so soon!

No pain this morning! Hooray! I'm glad I didn't go out last night because if I had, I wouldn't have felt as good as I feel today. :) Sometimes you've just got to take a break and relax.

I've been reading some interesting RSD stories lately and I came across this one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jaTlI6bfF64

Feel free to share this with your friends and family!

I'm so glad to see the media sharing this news with everyone. Not a lot of people know that RSD/CRPS even exists. Sharing our stories can help to raise awareness and help others around us who are also battling this disease. I remember I didn't know why I was in pain for years and I could have used that knowledge back then in 2008 when I first got a flare. I am so glad to have my fellow healers on Facebook and I hope to meet some of them someday. It's really an inspiration to see so many people who are hurting band together and try to help one another and lift each other up. It gives me strength to see yall not give up and push forward, even when it hurts. You guys are so strong and so positive and it gives me so much hope for the future. :)

Ready to Be Better

Goodness gracious these past few weeks have been sheer madness!

I went through the veneer process starting on June 6th, when I got my temporary veneers placed. It was sore for a few days and eating was difficult (as I was told it would be), but then I got a gum infection! Oh, it was hurting so bad I couldn't sleep for two days. I finally got my temporaries off on July 1st and received the permanent veneers. Wow - I can see a huge difference already! They don't hurt anymore except for two teeth in the front (where I had the gum irritation). I am getting my bite fixed today so that the pain will subside. I am ready to be done with this mess!

The good news is that they look beautiful and I am very happy with the aesthetic results of the procedure. None of my other teeth hurt. They look different than my originals, a bit bigger, but they are gorgeous and so white!

In other news, my feet have been better. I almost got a flare last night because I've been running around barefoot. DUMB IDEA! I've been so worried about my mouth pain that I've neglected my feet, but I'm being more careful about them today. Pretty Little Liars and Twisted come on tonight, so I'm going to stay home and watch those with my mom. Another relaxing day for Sammie Davis. Hopefully I'll be able to go out for 4th of July!

I've skipped out on taking my vitamins for two days now. I really don't feel much of a difference. Once I'm done taking all this pain medication for my mouth, I'll start up with the vitamins again. I just hate being on so many meds at once; it's very dangerous and it makes me very sick.

Today seems to be a good day so far - no pain yet. *knocks on wood*

I hope that it continues to be a good week!

Stay strong, healers!